Non-monogamy is a broad term, and jealousy is one of the most discussed emotions within the non-monogamy spectrum. Swingers, people in open relationships, and polyganders can feel envious, angry, sad, or hurt at some point. The fact remains that jealousy is a normal human emotion: non-monogamy is not wrong because you feel jealous or your relationship is failing. This means there’s an emotional response that requires attention.
On the other hand, there is a term—compersion— which means the feeling of joy when a person enjoys the company of another person. While many people in non-monogamous relationships consider compersion as the opposite of jealousy, many people strive to develop it. However, it is only when people advance in emotions such as trust and empathy that they can experience compersion.
In this blog, we will explore what makes people experience jealousy in non-monogamy, how to deal with it, the concept of compersion, and ways of increasing trust and self-esteem. It is possible to develop a better perception of these feelings in order to have a positive and secure experience in non-monogamy.
Why Non-Monogamy Brings Out Jealousy
It is important to note that jealousy is not necessarily bad or wrong to feel; it is an indicator of the mind and the body saying something. Knowing the causes of jealousy can help you deal with it more effectively.
Common Causes of Jealousy in Non-Monogamy:
1. Fear of Loss or Abandonment
• A frequent concern in non-monogamous relationships is that one partner may form closer emotional or physical bonds with another person and decide to leave the relationship.
•This is due to past experiences, societal norms, or even psychological issues such as low self-esteem.
2. Comparisons and Self-Worth Issues
• It can make you think, “Maybe this person is more attractive, more interesting, or better in bed than I am.”
• These comparisons may make one feel bad about himself/herself and doubt his/her own abilities.
3. Lack of Clarity or Unmet Expectations
• When there are no clear boundaries, agreements, or expectations, it is possible to feel insecure.
• If one feels surprised or excluded, it can lead to emotional pain.
4. Cultural and Social Conditioning
• We have been made to believe that love is supposed to be exclusive and that sharing a partner is a betrayal.
• Letting go of the monogamous mindset takes time and energy.
By knowing the reasons behind jealousy, you can start to move from the reactive state to the state of self-awareness.
How to Work Through Jealousy
It is not something that should be repressed or denied; it is a chance for change. Here’s how to deal with it in a healthy way when it comes to feelings of jealousy.
1. Self-Reflection: Identifying Triggers
• Whenever jealousy appears, take a deep breath and ask yourself:
• What am I afraid of?
• Is this jealousy rational, or is it based on assumptions?
• What need of mine is this feeling indicating?
• Writing down or sharing the ideas with a friend or a professional can help to gain a perspective.
2. Talk to Your Partner
• Use “I” Statements: Instead of saying, “You made me jealous,” say, “I felt insecure when I saw you with someone else.”
• Be Honest About Your Needs: If you need reassurance, ask for it in a manner that will not make your partner defensive.
• Set Clear Agreements: Discuss what is good and what could be done to make you feel better.
3. View Jealousy as a Tool for Growth
• Rather than viewing jealousy as a completely negative emotion, try to see it as a sign.
• What can jealousy tell you about yourself, your relarelationships, your desires?
4. Practice Emotional Regulation
• Take deep breaths when feeling overwhelmed.
• Try some breathing exercises, or engage your five senses to bring you back to the present and not imagine worst-case scenarios.
It is not about eliminating jealousy entirely but learning to deal with it in a healthier way.
The Concept of Compersion: The Joy of a Partner’s Joy
Compersion is the feeling of happiness or pleasure when one is happy with the idea of their partner being intimate with someone else. Although compersion may sound strange at first, it is something that can be developed over time.
How to Cultivate Compersion:
1. Change the Way You Look at It from Threat to Celebration
• Instead of viewing your partner’s other relationships as a threat, try to see that their happiness and pleasure can only add value to your relationship.
• Think about how their joy can bring positive energy to come back to you.
2. Concentrate on the Positive Feelings You Have for Yourself
• Notice moments when you are glad that your partner is having fun, or that he/she is desired.
• Focus on the fact that they are happy, and not on the negative thoughts that may come with it.
3. Become More Independent for Yourself
• Compersion is easier when one is secure in her/his life.
• Having our own friendships, activities, and intimate experiences can also help even out the emotions.
4. See Your Partner as an Individual, Not Just “Yours”
• Your partner is an individual, and you shouldn’t think that you own them, and what makes them happy is also not for you to decide.
• Accepting compersion helps you to appreciate your partner’s experiences without owning them.
Not everyone has naturally experienced compersion, but it is possible to develop some aspects of it and make non-monogamy more fun and satisfying.
How to Create a Sense of Security in Your Relationship
Trust and security are very important in non-monogamy. Without them, jealousy can easily creep in.
1. Set up and respect boundaries and decisions that have been made
• Make sure both partners are on the same page of what is and isn’t allowed.
• Check on and change agreements frequently according to the levels of comfort.
2. Spend Quality Time Together
• Just because you are having sex with other people, it doesn’t mean that your relationship should be overlooked.
• Schedule weekly date nights, have deep conversations, and engage in intimate moments.
3. Reassure Each Other Often
• Simple things like saying ‘I love you’ and ‘You are important to me’ can go a long way in helping with emotional security.
• If your partner is experiencing jealousy, providing more comfort without reprisal can be beneficial in some cases.
Trust is developed by being consistent, being honest, and showing concern for the other person.
Self-Love and Confidence: Practices for Building Self-Esteem
Self-confidence is one of the most effective ways of warding off jealousy. When you are confident in who you are, you are more likely to believe in your relationship.
1. Focus on the Value of the Self
• Instead of competing with others, focus on your assets and your positive qualities.
• Appreciate what makes you a great partner and who you are as a person.
2. Self-Care and Self-Development: Ways to Enhance Self-Awareness and Confidence
• Exercise, meditation, writing, and therapy can all help in the development of the self and confidence.
• When one focuses on self-development, there is less need to seek self-approval from others.
The following are examples of the mindset of abundance:
• Love and attraction are not counting resources. Your partner will still have feelings for you even if he or she has feelings for someone else.
• Having an abundance mentality helps to unsubscribe from fear-based thinking.
This is because self-love is the bedrock for navigating non-monogamy without anxiety or doubt.
Conclusion
Jealousy and compersion are two sides of the same emotional spectrum. Even though jealousy is only natural, it doesn’t have to run your non-monogamy experience. Knowing your triggers, being aware of your emotions, and practicing compersion can change jealousy into a growth opportunity.
The secrets to successfully navigating the emotional demands of an open relationship are trust, communication, and self-confidence. With practice, you can learn to practice compersion and enjoy the happiness that non-monogamy brings to your life.
Non-monogamy is a path, not a finish line. Every decision you make to embrace emotional awareness increases the strength of your relationship and your personal well-being.
Ready to navigate non-monogamy with confidence? Just keep an open mind, some self-love, and a willingness to grow!
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